I am freaking sick of He's Just Not That Into You. This book has been around for a few years now and has spawned a pocket guide, "your daily wake-up call," and now a movie?! The thing most people don't realize is that Greg Behrendt, the author, is a stand-up comedian. The fact that people are latching onto this book and spouting its ideas like gospel is, well, laughable.
The basic premise of this book seems to be that women are completely blind and hopeless at managing relationships--they get slighted at every turn by guys who won't commit or are using them for sex. Oh, Greg Behrendt, how did we ever get along without you and your oversimplified generalizations?
Everyone gets slighted at some point in their life and needs to step back and realize that the relationship just isn't what they thought/hoped it could be. This goes for guys and girls. It's part of life and growing up to figure out what you will and won't put up with, and this book skews women's expectations of how a man should act. If he likes you, he'll be completely devoted to you. If he was really into you, he'd call immediately. Whatever--it totally discounts any and all other explanations of behavior, like crappy advice from friends ("Dude. Obey the 3 day rule--don't want to seem too eager").
Another thing about this book that I wholeheartedly object to is the end goal: marriage. Even good ol' Greggy is praised as having been single for a long time (so he knows all the tricks) but now is happily married. Ah, happily ever after. What every woman (and apparently man, eventually) wants. I think we all need to relax a little and deal with guys and situations on an individual basis. Ladies, put this book where it belongs: in the recycle bin.
5 comments:
as your official blog commenter... i disagree. i heart that book so hardcore, cause it is the reality check that so many girls need. (though, they need a she's just not that into you for guys who wear man chains and have subject lines of emails like "i wish the sun would shine"...) i'm ready to see the pro-hjntiy argument.
I would also have to disagree. Does it really matter that he is a stand-up comedian? I think the relevance in the book is that he is a man, not that he is a comedian. The point being... he gives an insight into how some (not all) men view the various sorts of relationships they encounter, whether it be dating, FWB, marriage, etc. I don't think it at all depicts women as "completely blind and hopeless at managing relationships". If anything, it shows the hope, faith and trust women have in the men they may choose to date. And of course they get slighted "by guys who won't commit or are using them for sex". But this slightness stems from an underlying feeling of deceit. What do I mean? Well, most guys don't outwardly come out saying, "I just want to sleep with you". Instead, there is this facade of interest and courting that plays out until the woman falls for this man, only to find out that he really wasn't looking for anything serious. Sure, this doesn't ALWAYS happen, but none-the-less it DOES happen. And this book empowers women by providing them the male's perspective. True that "it's part of life and growing up to figure out what you will and won't put up with" but I certainly don't think that it "skews women's expectations of how a man should act". Only the men whom we are dating do this. Let's take for example our friend Justin, whom we mutually know. Do you know the truth? I don't think you do, because if you did, I suspect you would feel slighted. Look, it's not that we as women walk around viewing our relationships with rose-colored glasses. It's more that some of the men we date, like Justin, make us believe one thing about the relationship (i.e., "I'm really into you", or "I only want to date you", or "You're the only person with whom I'm sleeping") when in actuality, it's totally something different ("I don't want anything serious", or "You can find me on CL posting to meet new women"). And some women are okay with the "totally something different". But men need to let us have a choice about this "totally something different" by being up front about it. And so, this book provides us with a way to realize that it really is "totally something different" and not what we had sincerely hoped it had become. That's all. I appreciate your view on this book. I am only expressing my own views. Thanks! P.S., the following is only a glimpse but do check it out... http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=267177722
Sorry, I forgot to add that my use of Justin as an example is only to show that anyone can be deceived by the male with whom she is in a relationship. Specifically, deceived into believing that what she may have with him is special, when in actuality, it isn't really all that special, or rather, you may not really be all that special. But with all the lies that get spewed from his mouth, how would you ever really know that it wasn't and / or you weren't special? Absit invidia.
yeah no doubt guys can be complete assholes, and i've been deceived about guys' intentions as well. good thing that guy justin wasn't one of them...sounds like a real piece of work.
i'm sorry he hurt you, and i hope he realizes his mistake and makes amends soon--if this smear campaign doesn't motivate him, nothing will!
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