My lovely co-blogger and almost friend Aliza and I were recently discussing a topic that I think everyone can relate to: The List. For those of you not familiar (or who claim ignorance), The List is a list of qualities that you require in a partner. For some, especially middle school girls, this lists exists on paper and decorated with 5,987 hearts and an abundance of glitter. For others, it's a constantly changing mental tally. Whatever form The List takes, everyone has one.
My question is, what good is having The List? To me, The List just represents ridiculous ideals and standards no real human can live up to. It's intimidating as hell to wonder how many qualities you have that the other person is looking for. How far do I fall short? What things are on The List that s/he just isn't telling me about? That last question is particularly relevant, as I have a sneaking suspicion that a good number of things on The List are easily checked off, if only your partner knew you liked that kind of crap. Prime example: #282: Bring me flowers randomly. Is this an intrinsic quality that people are born with? No. This is something that can be learned, albeit with perhaps years of training.
All that being said, I advocate for a move toward a more moderate and attainable List. If you keep your standards low, you'll be so much more pleasantly surprised when someone goes above and beyond!
1. Speak passable English, or at least a language I undersand.
2. Be literate, and have read at least 10 books above a sixth-grade reading level in your lifetime.
3. Have at least 60% of your hair.
4. Be nice.
5. Demonstrate an interest in some genre of music besides Country.
6. Bathe and brush teeth on a regular basis.
7. No piercings anywhere but ears.
8. No drug addictions.
9. No personal or family history of abuse, mental illness, or repeated felonies.
10. Absolutely no rednecks.
Now, my list might seem to exclude an unnecessarily large portion of the male population, but I stand behind my choices. No exceptions, especially on #10. I've had great success with this list, and I think many of you out there could benefit from my wisdom. With a list like mine, you too could go on literally over ten dates a year!
My question is, what good is having The List? To me, The List just represents ridiculous ideals and standards no real human can live up to. It's intimidating as hell to wonder how many qualities you have that the other person is looking for. How far do I fall short? What things are on The List that s/he just isn't telling me about? That last question is particularly relevant, as I have a sneaking suspicion that a good number of things on The List are easily checked off, if only your partner knew you liked that kind of crap. Prime example: #282: Bring me flowers randomly. Is this an intrinsic quality that people are born with? No. This is something that can be learned, albeit with perhaps years of training.
All that being said, I advocate for a move toward a more moderate and attainable List. If you keep your standards low, you'll be so much more pleasantly surprised when someone goes above and beyond!
1. Speak passable English, or at least a language I undersand.
2. Be literate, and have read at least 10 books above a sixth-grade reading level in your lifetime.
3. Have at least 60% of your hair.
4. Be nice.
5. Demonstrate an interest in some genre of music besides Country.
6. Bathe and brush teeth on a regular basis.
7. No piercings anywhere but ears.
8. No drug addictions.
9. No personal or family history of abuse, mental illness, or repeated felonies.
10. Absolutely no rednecks.
Now, my list might seem to exclude an unnecessarily large portion of the male population, but I stand behind my choices. No exceptions, especially on #10. I've had great success with this list, and I think many of you out there could benefit from my wisdom. With a list like mine, you too could go on literally over ten dates a year!
3 comments:
had i a penis, which, btw, was not even on your list, i could totally date you.
Your list is totally reasonable. Although I feel really bad for bald guys after reading your list and that of your almost friend's. It's not something the have any control over!!!!
so true. that rule could probably be bent for the right sexy bald dude.
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