The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I freaking love the holidays. I can't help it. I'm not a particularly huge fan of winter, but Thanksgiving and Christmas pretty much make up for the bitter, bitter cold that comes with them.

Thanksgiving is the first in the holiday season, and I feel like it is a great way to ease yourself into this time of pure goodwill and happiness. Thanksgiving is mostly badass because of the food, as everyone knows. The turkey is classic, of course, but why not spice it up with a Turducken or a Tofurky this year? (I have personally been on a campaign to get my family to try a traditional holiday Tofurky since high school, to no avail.) My favorite side by far has got to be the sweet potatoes, and for dessert you can't go wrong with a pumpkin pie. Mmm.

But other good things come along with all that delicious food. This is a time when people come together--even if you're not around your family, there is always a group of friends or another family more than willing to take you in. The food coma that sets in post-turkey produces a group of people who have nothing better to do than hang out, watch movies, talk, or toss a football around. I ask you, in what other time of year does this phenomenon occur?

Thanksgiving used to mark the start of the Christmas/holiday rush, but no longer. Now, people can't wait until the end of November to put on The Best of Bing Crosby: Christmas Collection or my personal favorite, Merry Christmas. (Classic!) Not that I'm complaining--I could sing along to "All I Want For Christmas Is You" 12 months out of the year. It just sets a certain mood: peace, goodwill, cheer...ah, I love it.

The excitement over Christmas is something that hasn't really gone away for me. Granted, I don't wake up at 5am anymore, but the anticipation over seeing what goodies you might have gotten and the looks on your friends' and family members' faces when they open a particularly apt present is just great. So this year, I am trying something new for my Christmas countdown: the advent calendar. I found one that a) has penguins b) makes no mention of Jesus whatsoever c) is a pop-up! and I just had to have it. How fun is that??

Christmas is also worth the countdown because of the family time (pretty much the only time I see my brother) and I also usually end up hanging out with some pretty sweet high school friends that have dispersed to other places and are doing all kinds of different things. Seriously, it's great. I don't even really know why this is a debatable issue, really. Over to you, Scrooge McSleaze...

Chaste is Chic

I would like to state for the record that I cannot believe I am writing this. And neither will many of you, especially those of you who went through the ultra-liberal, super comprehensive, and also completely hilarious sex ed program Our Whole Lives at the UU church with me.

But here goes: overt sexuality is out. In high school and even college, there was a certain shock factor involved to talk about how much you had sex and in what ways, especially for women. Being overtly sexual, by the way you dress or what you say, is also a tried-and-true tactic to attract attention from men. Sure, it works, but usually on a certain kind of man...ladies, you know what I mean.

What is way more fun is to keep your private life private. I realize that everyone is sharing everything about themselves on the internet these days and I kind of come off as a backwards-thinking southern girl, but you're erasing all the mystery and intrigue when you lay every dirty detail about everything you've done with complete strangers! Cover up that cleavage. Get your vibrator delivered to your door instead of strutting into sex shops (which are creepy, anyway...I have yet to see an advantage over the internet).

I'm not saying be ashamed of your sexuality. Go ahead and watch your porn, use your toys, and above all be GGG. But as a wise man once said, be a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets.

Stay classy, D.C.

Good Vibrations

Well, the jig is up. It's time to buy a vibrator. First, I would just like to say that I'm very disappointed in my friends for not buying me one for my birthday when I turned 18, but whatever. Unfortunately, despite all my efforts to the contrary, I'm not getting any younger and since I've become comfortable with the fact that I'm going to be alone forever, I might as well explore this new territory. I recently asked Jasmine if she'd like to escort me to a "adult" shop and she promptly explained that these sort of things need to be done online. But to be honest, I'm done with being coy and repressed. If you've already made the decision to buy a vibrator, I think it's time to cast embarassment out the window and face our fears and go to an actual "adult" shop. I just think that this country has spent enough time being repressed and that there's nothing wrong with being overtly confident about one's sexuality. Buying a vibrator online basically means that you're willing to spend the extra cash on shipping in order to avoid feeling embarassed that you are a sexual person. I'm not sure why women think they need to keep this shit under wrap. I just think that repression is a very outdated concept. If anything, having a vibrator can make a woman more in tune with her body. I'm tired of vibrators being associated with desperation--I think it's a sign of maturity.