Thursday, August 21, 2008

Just a Perfect Day...

My perfect day would consist of me waking up around 9 am and leisurely making my way to the kitchen for some coffee or tea and oatmeal. I would then spend the next hour or so sitting at my kitchen counter reading the New York Times, The New York Times Magazine, In Style, and Us Weekly, while simultaneously listening to This American Life and Savage Love on itunes.

I would then spend most of the day hiking and biking in up-state NY, stopping for a picnic lunch, featuring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, trail mix, homemade mint iced-tea, rice pudding, oranges, hummos, and carrots. En route, my hiking/biking partner and I would share travel stories and make each other laugh.

After a day of outdoorsy activities, I would go to the local farmer's market and pick out and taste a variety of delicious vegetables and fruits that I will later cook for an elaborate dinner party that I will host at my apartment. I will spend the next 2-4 hours preparing for the dinner party, that will showcase an array of dips, salads, lentils, stir fry, tofu, and olive bread. While I cook, I will be intermittently sipping wine, eating olives, and listening to the Amadeus soundtrack.

When my friends arrive, we all sit around tasting the food, drinking wine, reminiscing, and telling hilarious stories. After dinner, we would all play an enormous game of Taboo.

After the dinner party, I will wash dishes while watching my Golden Girls DVDs. As I get ready for bed, I reflect on the day's events and feel satisfied with myself. There's nothing better than feeling pleasantly exhausted, knowing things were accomplished throughout the day.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Perfect Day=Lazy Day

If you could do anything, what would you do? Fantasizing about vacation and/or what my life would be like if I didn't have to work is always fun, even if it is an exercise in frustration being that I have approximately $40 in the bank.

My perfect day would be waking up at around 10:30am, spending three or four hours on the beach, drinking margaritas and mai tais, reading a book on a hammock, and finishing the day by going out with friends. All the food that day would be amazing and I basically wouldn't have to lift a finger.

Oh man, it's relaxing to even think about. I know this fantasy is pretty common, but the glory in this is what a complete change it is from the normal routine. I spend all day being accountable to lots of people, not to mention being responsible enough to pay bills on time and do annoying chores like laundry, dishes, and taking out the trash. That crap is exhausting!

Now, I don't know if this reflects badly on me, like I'm a lazy person at heart or something, nor do I really care. I completely identify with Peter in Office Space: if I didn't have to work, I would do nothing.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Mosquitoes Ruin Everything

OK I have got to say, I have the battle for "___ ruins everything" in the bag. The correct answer is: mosquitoes ruin everything. You know it's true. Try to think of a time when mosquitoes were around and weren't ruining everything.

Mosquitoes have plagued me basically since I was born. I've lived in humid climates my whole life, so I really don't know what it feels like to not be constantly annoyed by these pests. To top it all off, I seem to be more attractive to them than normal. I can be out on the deck with my whole family for 15 minutes and I will get nine times the bites they will. I also get mysterious mosquito bites in the night--especially awesome is when they get my face. Like zits aren't enough. So here's the breakdown of all the ways mosquitoes suck:

1) They spread malaria, west nile, and who the f knows what else. Gross.
2) If you smack one, there's a good chance you'll get blood on you. Whether it's your own or your neighborhood crack dealer's, messing with blood is never a good idea.
3) They make otherwise pleasant outdoor activities a nightmare. Who wants to be swatting and slapping yourself the whole time you're trying to play raquetball? Best case scenario, you remembered the bugspray and now are a sticky, stinky mess. Don't forget to reapply!
4) The bites are terribly unattractive and itchy.
5) Any standing water turns into breeding grounds--so much for that pool idea.

Splenda Ruins Everything

When asked to choose one thing that ruins everything, the answer was very simple: Splenda. Splenda became mysteriously popular sometime during my sophomore year at college. All of a sudden, all my sodas and yogurts were marked with "Now with Splenda!" All of a sudden, everybody went apeshit for this sugar substitute, claimed that it was better for you than regular sugar, and ran out to the supermarket to buy everything that contained this product. I'm not entirely sure how the media somehow convinced an ENTIRE country that Splenda was "better" for you than original, pure sugar and that ingesting it in droves will make you thinner. Um. How could a "sugar substitute," which is obviously made out of chemicals, be better than the natural source? Um. Regular sugar isn't bad for you unless you are eating sticks of it every 2 seconds. I can understand if you have diabeetus and can't have delicious sugar, but I'm not so sure that Splenda is the best option here (not that I can suggest another one since I'm not a scientist).

Also, I don't know if any of you have tasted this shit, but it tastes approximately like rotting candy. It makes food take sickly sweet to the point where you feel "hungover" from, let's say, a cup of yogurt. All I know is, people have been eating sugar for a very long time and all I'm saying is that a fabricated version of this can only be absolutely 100% repulsive and unnatural.